Lol i nearly got diagnosed with an anxiety disorder but i kept lying, but that doctor was smart so i kinda avoided him because idk. then i had to go to see him again the other day and they changed the doctors to one who just thought i was there for a breathing test but I promised not to lie so I didn’t other than the hru question. Now I’m discharged and never have to go back. Lol. Never had to get a blood test either and it’s like if i did i would of been a big screw up because of how bad my arms are. Then there’s a part of me what wants help, I don’t understand it because when i have the help i need i just can’t get it out, especially when my mum is there. I tried talking to her i just get a glare and a “it’ll get better” like no, no stfu. And the few times I LITERALLY had to cry and cry for her to understand when I really fucking needed her the most i got was a hug and then she went back to what she was doing. The thing is, i hate hugs, so I just stand there dead. and now i blame her for my incapability to love.
“be small,” he said. “feel the violence of it all it will crush you.” my face is turning blue but i don’t mind for “this,” he says, “this is how you will learn. you will yearn for something that you have not yet earned and my child, it will burn. but i am right here i’m always near. your scars will heal and you will finally feel Tall.”
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