26 Sep '17: 6:15 PM
Up until now, there was one thing I was afriad of more than anything else in life; losing people. Over and over again, I had to learn to be detached from people the hard way. If someone did or said something that made me feel unpleasant/uncomfortable/anything negative, I'll try to hide it because I didn't want THEM to get upset for upsetting me. I knew I would lose people if I would say everything going through my head point blank. I have been called cold, unfriendly, rude, arrogant enough to put up a front of an easy going idiot who'll tolerate your little jibes. The problem with that is, when people see that they can get away with little things they keep pushing and poking until I snap back. And when I do, it's a collective backlash of all the little things I've been burying. This usually ends up in a disaster, hence I have been trying to be as direct with my communication, although I need to work on my timings. Thinking of the right response hours and days after that moment has passed is my biggest drawback. Gotta be sharper than that.
I've made a little progress so far.
Meditating and feeling the circle of energy rotating from my head till heart has helped me think and make decisions more clearly. My root & mainly stomach chakras have been a bit dull, noone else to blame but myself for stuffing a bag of crunchies or something fried in me every other day.
It has, although, become progressively easier to control with time. Maintaining majority of my diet vegan and sattvik has definitely helped a lot!