If you knew me personally, you might think that the things I share on here seem unlike me. If you don't know me, I want you to know this too. I've never shared a lot of these feelings and thoughts with many people, if anyone, before. I don't know how to talk about not being ok. I think I've somewhat always put up a wall, sometimes without even knowing it. And not just around my thoughts, feelings, and obsessions about my body, but around my mental/emotional health as well.
I don't know how to talk about my damage. I didn't even know how to realize and recognize that I am damaged, and why, and in what ways until maybe the past year or two, and especially now since I joined this community. There's still a lot left for me to learn about myself, but I'm changing.
Lately I've been expressing myself more. I've been singing (songs that I can relate to) at the top of my lungs, I've been trying to be more vulnerable, and I've started to gain more overall confidence. I have a long way to go but I'm seeing a whole different side of myself emerge and I love her.
On this journey, I really want to work on accepting that it's ok not to be ok and that I shouldn't bottle up and hide the negative. I don't have to be alone. I can ask for a hug or a shoulder to cry on. There's nothing wrong with being a little broken and there's nothing wrong with letting it show. These are things I have to say over and over again to myself.
I want to continue to learn more about myself, the good and the bad and I want to be honest about it all. From my short time in this community, I already see that there's always someone who can relate to what you say and being able to know you're not the only one in any situation is so relieving.
I'm going to continue to post openly and honestly for myself, and also in hopes that I can be the person someone relates to, so that someone will know they're not alone. Even if it's just one person, I will be happy to have made a difference for them. You're not alone, none of us are. By being open about everything, including our dark sides, we can find the people who will lift us up and work together on our journies