I've come to the point where I don't care what happens to me. I just wanna die. I feel so fucking lonely. I can't stand to even look at myself in the mirror anymore. I'm trying to restrict agian and I mean I'm not doing that good with it but I'm eating less than I was before and that's all I really give a shit about. But I feel like I dont have any friends anymore and ik I say that a lot but this time I really mean it. Like I just feel like everyone I talk to would rather talk to other people and I bet if I just didn't talk to anyone for a solid week or two, nothing would happen. In this current moment I really don't give much of a shit if I kill myself but I can't say how I'll feel 2 hours from now and that's pretty much the only reason why I haven't done anything yet (the thought that the feeling will only last a few minutes or something). Also I keep missing school and I don't really do work or at least turn it in on time. But my grades are shitty bc of it and my parents keep yelling at me. The days have been getting worse and worse since monday and there's nothing I can really do to make myself feel better. I'm slightly considering cutting off everyone I still talk to bc I'm pretty sure they don't want to be talking to me anyway and like I said before, they probably wouldn't even notice. Idk everything is just shit rn and there's nothing I can do to try and fix it really. -Haydn
I think the creator of this edit deleted their account or changed names but if you know if their account is still up somewhere, tell me so I can give creds
This song was inspired by the tragic death of Lil Peep, a misunderstood, 21 year old musician, who lost his life in November of last year, after an accidental complication involving drug use. He had long battles with addiction, depression and anxiety, something that I, and many others, have had to deal with in personal circumstances. Following his death, I decided to go back through his Instagram, just to read what people were saying etc
I wasn’t shocked at the amount of love he was being shown, after all he was a talented artist who was taken far too young, but after a lot of digging, I was shocked at how many so called ‘fans’ were encouraging his heavy drug use, and other worrying posts.
He posted a particular video in which he was seen dropping pills into his mouth one after the other, and the amount of comments that were in favour of these actions did shock me.
He also posted pictures with worrying captions, such as ‘I feel empty’ and ‘when i die, you’ll love me’, which I personally, found haunting.
These were clear cut signs that he needed help, but as fickle music fans, we encourage this sort of shit on a daily basis, with more and more young artists.
I know everyone has their own mind and what not, and I’m not against having fun, but unfortunately some aren’t strong enough to steer themselves away from peer pressure, and the general stresses of life that would lead them to such behaviours, and these are the people who need saving. Addiction and depression isn’t something that should be taken lightly, especially when mixed, and its something that I feel very strongly about.
So this is what led me to create ‘You’ll Love Me When Im Dead’, a short song I wrote from my perspective of Lil Peeps mind during his final days.
Its only 2 minutes long, but hopefully, through my lyrics, it sends the message I intended it to.
I hope you enjoy. *Video link in bio*