Julieta (@julsjoys)

Sunday morning blues and opening up a little to this supportive community. These past 8 months have been the hardest I've had to deal with. Being in a wheelchair has sent me into a very dark place, the constant pain that wakes you up at night, giving up almost everything you enjoy doing, being unable to perform the most basic tasks we take for granted (leaving your home, dressing up, showering...), having no chance to socialise with others (especially difficult when you just moved to a new country and know very few people), the weekly doctor appointments, the tears of frustration during PT sessions, the stares you get in public, and worst of all not knowing when/if the pain will ever end. I rarely share any of this, I show others what I want them to see. I've always disliked sharing my struggles and also doubt someone who hasn't lost their most basic physical abilities could grasp the extent of it. I had my fair share of tumultuous years in my life, of problems that seemed like they would never resolve, nothing came easy, not even childhood. But this is by far the hardest I've had to endure, health truly is the most crucial thing we need to stay happy. If you wake up without physical pain, if your body functions and you have no major illness you are extremely blessed. I was used to facing problems by putting in all the work needed to change the situation, but you can't control a physical pain or a chronic illness, it makes you go crazy and all you can do is wait and pray. And when you least expect it, life throws at you a wonderful gift but that makes your recovery suddenly a whole lot harder and less likely. Pretending isn't too bad, sometimes your reality gets so hard that it really is easier to escape it and live as though everything will be fine in the end, and ignore the higher chances that it won't. Not facing problems you can't change is sometimes the best of options 💙 So right now I am actually ok with things going the wrong way, I still have weekly breakdowns of tears and desperation and anger when I'm in pain, but most of the time I feel at peace in my little make believe world that everything will be ok 🌈 and maybe somehow it will 🌟

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