"Things they never tell you about motherhood... but probably should...." My younger brother had offered me his old TV, which is bigger than our current one. So I packed up the two youngest and decided to head over to his house and grab it tonight.
After we had loaded it into the van I was feeling pretty positive... thought maybe we could sneak in a quick trip to Lowe's too!
Mistake #1 - Optimism when you have two young children!
I only made it into one aisle, before Lena started climbing behind the gallons of paint and got stuck. At that same moment Ruby called out "I have to poop!" Urgently I tried to pry Lena from the plastic spheres that held her!
Mistake #2 - Failing to prioritize Maslow's hierarchy of needs!
I should have just left the child who was stuck, and assumed she would remain stuck while I pottied the youngest! But "No Child Left Behind!" rang through my head and by the time I released her from her Paint Bucket snare Ruby called out "It wasn't poop, it was potty!" looking down at the puddle beneath her... Mistake #3 Failing to cut your losses and go after you realize you've been beat!
I decided to be responsible and clean up my child's puddle of urine and headed to the bathroom for soap, paper, towel and wet cloths. As I was amassing a pile of cleaning supplies I looked over to see Lena grimacing at the neon glow bracelet she had just broken open into her mouth. "I need a drink!" she gasped while gagging. We rinsed her mouth and headed back to our mess.
Mistake #5 - Drop the pride and just ask for help!
After rinsing, soaping, and drying the floor, we bolted to check out with our pile of paper towels pouring out of our cart. Because I was so embarrassed at this point to deal with the conversation I'm sure my four-year-old would openly have with the cashier, I headed to the self-checkout.... Yes, if you were at Lowe's tonight that was me flipping off the self checkout machine who kept telling me my items weighed too much and take them in and out of my bag.
Anyways, now we are headed home with one child half naked, the other just told me she is drawing a picture of her buttcheeks, and I am pondering this life I now live.