This is my face. I don't show it often but it's the only one I have so I need to learn to love it. We all need to learn to love ourselves because how can anyone else love us otherwise? #selfworth#loveyourself#beyoutiful#innerpeace
Idk how many bad decisions I've made over the years. Too many to count. Some wherey fault, I'll.own that. Others were not my fault but was made to feel like it was. Ive made decisions based on what I thought others wanted from.me, rather than what I truly wanted for myself. I was more focused on what was best for me and more focused on what others thought of me or expected of me. Not anymore. My goals and dreams are worth having, worth fighting for, and worth sharing. And just because someone doesn't understand it, doesn't make them invalid or not worth it. Every person has their own path in life and deserves to follow it. 3 roads: the one people think you should be on, the one you think you should go on, and the one you want to go on. Which one will you choose? The only thing that comes from bad decisions or forced decisions is the knowledge of what not to do again, and the experience to help other not have to bear the same pain. Use your story to help others while following your dreams and you've done something incredible. Something remarkable. And to me, remarkable means leaving your mark on the world, even if it's one person's world, and they use that to change our world.
It seems obvious, it seems simple enough and yet, it is not…
If what you are doing is not making you happy, why keep doing it then?
If what you are doing is causing you to feel terrible and stressed out, then quit doing it…
Yes, I know that there are all kinds of demands on you, from people to organisations to family and yet, you still can opt out.
You still can choose a different path…
So, your relationship feels YUK a lot of the time but you have been told that you have to submit forever and so you keep at it and HOPE that things will change…
Great! You don’t want to quit too easily but lets be honest here, you are doing all the same stuff you were doing 1-10 years ago and nothing is changing, it is getting worse –
IS IT NOT TIME TO TRY SOMETHING NEW?
So, you are in incredible debt and you feel terrified by it and that terror makes you work harder and harder at more of what you hate doing as you try desperately to get ahead and you have been doing this for years now and if anything, things are getting worse, not better and you are even more stressed out and terrified…
But you have got yourself into this mess and now you feel you must put up with it and so you keep punishing yourself because the done thing is to keep your credit going strong and you refuse to see that NOTHING IS ACTUALLY CHANGING except you are allowing your life to be eaten up by rules that are not helping you…
Is it not time to opt out of that mess?
So, you belong to a religious organisation that tells you that you have to do what the preacher man says or go to hell for all eternity and you see people being hurt in ways that you hate but you have been told that this is the way things have to be – You are either in or GOING TO HELL and so you keep silent, you keep showing up, you keep volunteering, you keep building someone else’s vision, you keep singing the songs, obeying the rules and you keep telling yourself that your time will come…
All the while ignoring the fact that time is passing and you are still not doing what you feel called to do and you hate
Lessons in strange places #1:
A few days ago I met a handsome stranger and he has instantly become my number 1 fan . However I realised that I am not his. Why? Simply because he already is his OWN number one fan.
I had to take a huge step back (from being seen) to question why it was so easy for him to take pole position.
Self love doesn't have to be hard and lonely but it does need to be honest.
I asked myself, why I am so awed/surprised/disbelieving of this person's appreciation and validation.
Is it because I'm not used to it?
Is it because I don't normally get it?
Most likely it's because I've stopped giving it to myself.
This powerful message came in the form of an unusual rendezvous.
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Been thinking bout my mama as her birthday approaches this year. It is the first year I've been back in Nebraska since her death 8 years ago. It's so fucking complicated, my relationship with her. (Not less complicated since her death, either.) becoming an adult myself without her physical presence has been....a lot of things...And one thing it's been is absolutely eye-opening in terms of understanding her and her behavior thru my now-adult lens. I actually had no idea, as a young one, how mentally ill she really was, because I didn't know what appropriate adult or parent behavior was in the first place. And how much this forced me to grow up emotionally in weird ways, way too soon, how I became a "parentified child" and carried that patterning into my adult relationships too until I started to unlearn that programming: Programming of putting my own needs last. Of not knowing I have needs in the first place. Of retreating to a dream world instead of staying present. Of staying in totally fucked up, unsafe situations because the was normal and comfortable for me. Do I love my mother? Of course I do. But it isn't simple. It isn't all that sweet. It's messy and confusing and sometimes fills me with so much sadness and so much anger, still. I am still figuring it out, still in process. But I am grateful that I got a mom. Grateful That I got to hold her hand on her deathbed. I am grateful for the self work she did do, and all she tried to do. And in my heart, I love her. Sometimes I wish she were still here. We could dance to Janis Joplin in the living room again. Mama, I would do that with you again any time. : @1.spiritual
I wish I knew one real life vegan/vegetarian that lived here in my town - that's knowledgeable, kind, patient, & willing to bestow upon me their food smarts FOR FREE. I Google things & get lost a lot of the time. I just need a killer meal plan that's obtainable on the cheap & compatible w my heavy lifting. Oh & maybe a few free cooking lessons? Yes.. I'm needy. Old news.
I've been beyond ret for my next level health wise & smartening up in the kitchen is the last key to reach it. #strugglebus
#wcw to me tho - I'm pretty jazzy despite just guessing 98.67% of the time! Lolol