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“You’ve lost someone you thought was the love of your life and I know you think it will hurt like this forever, but I promise you it doesn’t. I’m not saying you’ll suddenly wake up one day and it’ll be like it never happened – because it won’t… There will always be a loss, there’s no if’s or but’s about that. If you lose an amazing person from your life – that leaves a hole in your heart that nobody else can ever fill… You can find happiness, you can find other people and things to fill your heart in other places… but the space that belonged to that person will always be empty. Because human beings are unique and complicated creatures, and when you combine two of them together you get a love that is just as unique and therefore irreplaceable. So don’t try to replace them because you can’t… and get out of the mindset that you’ll never love anybody as much or that no other relationship will compare to what you’ve lost. You don’t love people ‘more’ or ‘less’ than each other – you just love them differently. The way you love somebody else will be different yes – but it will not be ‘more’ or ‘less’ or ‘better’ or ‘worse’… just different… and that’s okay. You will find love again, but it’s never going to be the same love… and it’s only when you’re able to accept that and open yourself to the idea, that you’re finally ready to move on.”
Ranata Suzuki | Don’t say you’ll never love again (via theprocast)
“1. Some people aren’t meant to be a part of your life. If they want to leave, let them. Don’t fight for someone to stay if they fight to go. 2. Your value is not determined by others. A masterpiece is still a masterpiece, even when the lights are turned off and no one’s around to appreciate it. 3. Be grateful, even for the little things - especially for the little things. They are what makes life so wonderful. 4. Always take your time to let go, to move on and to heal. It doesn’t matter if you need a week, a month or a year to find closure. Just don’t rush. Take as much time as you need and find your own pace. 5. Be brave enough to try new things. Don’t shy away from challenges, who knows where you’ll end up? 6. Don’t be afraid of change - it’s always around the corner anyway. Think about what kind of person you were this time last year and how much you’ve transformed during the last 365 days. Truth is we don’t stay the same. No one does. So embrace the change in you. 7. Think of something you’re absolutely terrified of, then do it. Get out of your comfort zone. You’ll feel invincible noticing that you’ve accomplished things that seemed impossible only weeks ago. 8. Pay attention to details. A person may look entirely different to you once you put in some effort to get to know them, and to get to know all of them. The same rule applies to everything around you: your environment, your relationships and also yourself. 9. You don’t have to be in a relationship to feel loved. We often disregard the sings of affection our family and friends show us because we crave romantic gestures. Don’t discredit this kind of love - your family and your friends are the ones who stay. 10. “Good things come to those who wait” - do they? I don’t think so. Good things come to those who get back on their feet when they were torn down. They come to those who just begin, begin fighting for what they want, begin giving their all to get where they want to be.”
10 things I learned before I turned 22 n.j.
(via ninasdrafts @ninasdrafts)
maybe he doesn’t miss you after all, but i know he still thinks about you. he’s driving down the road and he sees the exact spot where you wrecked his car. he thinks about the way you had tears in your eyes and couldn’t stop saying you were sorry. he’s going through his closet and sees the shirt you got him for his birthday. he thinks about the way you were biting your lip as he opened it, just hoping he’d love it. he’s walking down the grocery store aisle and sees your mom. she smiles at him, and she looks so much like you. he wonders how you and your family have been. he hasn’t heard from you in so long. he’s looking for his old notebook and stumbles across the scrapbook you gave him. he could never bring himself to throwing it away. he can’t help but opening it, and his heart beats a little faster as he turns the pages. he’s on your road for the first time in months, and looking at your driveway is almost painful. all he can see is you running out of your front door, smiling from the east to the west, jumping into his arms. so maybe he doesn’t miss you after all, but i promise he still thinks about you. you were kind, you were caring, and you were brave in the way you loved him. that is a love he will never forget. – it still matters even if it wasn’t meant to last forever. (via un-predictible)
You erased me. Entirely, you vanished me from your life, as if I were just a passing stranger, another face on the bus, another person without another thought, and I wish I knew your techniques. How do you do it. How did you do it. How do you go back to the places where we made all those memories with a straight face and a clear conscience? How did you turn your back on me and face another human without ever saying my name again? How did it not hurt? If I had one last thing to ask of you, it would be to teach me. Teach me how to forget. Teach me how to sleep at night and not remember every beautiful and stupid thing we ever did together. Teach my brain how to stop screaming your name, because all I want to do is forget. I want to forget all the horrible things you said. I want to forget the back of your head as I watched you leave my driveway. I want to forget where you live. I want to forget your voice, your eyes, your laugh, your face. But inside, not even too deep, I know I don’t want to forget. I valued you too much. I still do, and maybe that’s what makes us so different. Maybe I learned how to value humans, and maybe you still haven’t. – Learn how to treat humans / K.C.
I’ve tried to write this letter to you so many times that you think I would have already figured out what it is that I want to say to you. I’ve tried to write this letter to you so many times that I even put them in envelopes but then I realize that you aren’t in my life anymore. You aren’t here anymore. To love me or to make the bad dreams go away. I never liked being with other people, never really was one for company. But you.. you. Your presence and well being was enough for me even if you only stayed for 5 minutes. My point is, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed having you around which is scary for me cause I never really enjoy anything anymore. I guess that’s why I broke your heart before you got the chance to break mine. I guess I didn’t like that you had the power to destroy me so I destroyed you. Sickening, I know. You loved me so well and I didn’t know what to do with that love. I didn’t know where to put it. I don’t know how to be loved or to accept love and I think that’s my problem. I was never loved right so it made me cold and for that I made you cold and I want you to know how sorry I am. I am sorry that I ended things between us with no warning or signs or hints, as if you’re supposed to give hints. God, I am so sorry. I hope one day you can look back and understand why I did what I do even if I don’t understand it myself. I loved you. I still love you but that doesn’t matter because you’re not here. You’re not here to hear me say that I love you. You’re not here to wipe the tears away when the world gets too hard for me. I guess what I wanted to say is thank you. Thank you for choosing to love me when you could of loved anyone else. Thank you for loving me. All of me. You’re going to live forever in me.
– This is Goodbye (via promisesofamazing)
i dreamed of a world without you, where i was emptied like a fish, my skin unfamiliar when it was untouched by you. i dreamed of a world where we were not one, where you never kissed me by accident and then again on purpose, where the two of us never got caught up in the moment. was i happier there? was i happier not knowing the ending? all i know is that it was a late morning, and i woke up sweating, and i live in the world where i cannot kiss you anymore. it’s okay, almost. i’m figuring out how that works. it’s just that i drank coffee. it’s just i don’t want to go to bed. it’s just i don’t know how to be better off without you. i can’t get you out of my head. (Via inkskinned)
This good bye tastes different It’s got more of a finality to it- a subtle hint of everything that has crashed down around us
There’s no more room for fighting or crying No tearing down each other’s walls or even building them back up again
so this good bye tastes different in that “I could’ve sworn this was gonna last but we still ended up here” kind of way
this good bye is just you, me, and not enough reasons to stay
is this what good bye is supposed to sound like (via loveserum)
why is kindness seen as a weakness. let me tell you about what it takes to learn how to be soft in a house that never touched you gently. how to relax from a fist into an open palm, how to be unselfish - and worse, the reverse, learning how to treat your opinions and desires as valuable and legitimate - the art of unfolding a thin piece of paper. we are torn up. but we find patches for things. let me tell you about the children i have seen grow up with parents that will never learn to accept who they are; i have seen them get over it not for the sake of the parent but instead for themselves, let me tell you about how they almost broke while they were growing up but instead learned how to grow.
it takes nothing to be cruel. it keeps you hard. it keeps you apart and you won’t care if people hate you. but kindness; the gentle whisper of a person who only knew shouting, the self-taught acceptance from those who never fit in, the sweetness of someone who couldn’t breathe for the house they grew up in - they’re stronger than you.
do you know about the people they save because they see their own injustice repeated and they will not let it win. do you know about the tiny miracles they perform, turning salvation from sin. do you know how much it takes growing up in darkness and learning to let the light in." ( via inkskinned)
some insects have a life span of only a day, they must make every second count. they must do everything in just one day. I used to think that this was depressing, that a day couldn’t be enough time to do anything. then I think about the moments in my life that really, truly matter, and it occurs to me that all of them added up together could easily fit in that 24 hour period. More suddenly it occurs to me that in the grand scheme of things, we are no more than moths. The planet is millions and millions of years old, if I’m lucky, I will live to be in my seventies or eighties, but death is coming. It’s the only thing I’m really guaranteed. I wonder now if the moth knows how small its life is, or if it would care. I wonder if I care. I wonder if I will put up a fight on my way out, or if I will flutter into the dark, and my heart will stop beating, the way the moth’s wings will stop flapping, and the way will we both turn dark, uncomfortably stiff, and pale. (laceerainpoetry)
“I promise you this, when you find your person you’ll know. Because you find them in every little thing you do and you picture doing everything with that one person. Every song becomes about them, every movie or tv show ends up being relatable to them. You start to feel more than just butterflies in your stomach but you get a feeling in your heart that makes everything feel as if it’ll all be okay. They’re voice is your new favorite sound and they’re eyes are your new favorite color. You can’t get enough of them in a day and you can’t picture anyone else by your side. Whether it’s miles or minutes apart you just know deep down that they are your person. And if you ever find that person, you’d be damned if you ever let them go.”
Some personal shit (via lesbicasentimental)
“Someone will tell you that she’s seeing someone someday and that she’s happy and your hands will stop working. You’ll have to work hard to hold onto whatever you’re holding. I hope it’s not glass, I hope it’s not breakable. Suddenly you’ll remember everything that you ever loved about her. Everything that ever moved you to tears, made your insides feel like they were tying themselves into knots. That she was loyal, that she was open for you, that she smiled against your mouth when you kissed. That it felt easy, like God had put the two of you together deliberately, like it had been the plan all along. But for whatever reason, you let her go and you thought that it was the right thing and for a little while, it felt like you knew exactly what you were doing. Except now all the parts of you that touched her knows that you’re never going to be able to touch her again and that hurts. Even your fingers are sad, even your stomach is aching from the loss of it all. You’re never going to get that again and that’s why your regret looks like artwork that would have been masterpiece if you’d finished it. Your regret looks like plucking a flower before it’s bloomed. So maybe you’ll call her and you’ll tell her that you miss her and she’ll sound gentle on the phone but not in love with you anymore. She’ll say ‘we happened and we were important but you let me go, I’m sorry, but you let me go’ and that’s how you’ll know.”
and you’re scared of love because you’ve never been taught well
you’ve seen the painful kind of love that breaks your bones,
and you don’t remember the last time your mother smiled
or a time when your father didn’t spit words covered in acid
so when “love” showed up you settled for it and let it sting
and you ignored the bruises and the yelling and the tears and the other girls
because you grew up in a home where love hurt
so when love actually shows up you’re anticipating its departure
and you’re waiting for the first night he gets drunk and tells you how he really feels
and you don’t expect midnight conversations to be a regular thing
and you’re waiting for the first night he screams he doesn’t love you
and you don’t expect to hear “i’m mad at you, but i still love you”
and you’re waiting for the door slammed shut on your fingers,
not a kiss on the cheek and stitches on your heart
Little Descriptions Of People I Love: • He's just a little taller than me, but he can still rest his chin on my head when he holds me. His arms tell a story that shakes me to the bone, but when they're around me I'm perfectly still. His laugh is more of a continuous giggle, but it's adorable all the same. He's broken, anyone can see, but he's always there with his arms out when I need him. The only word that comes to mind when I think of him is lovely, and not just for the song. • She's a mixture of dreams and reality, this one is. Her hair is always in the perfect bun, her tongue caught between her teeth as she laughs and hands holding her phone like she's scared to let go, just as she was with her father. She presses kisses to my cheek when I'm upset, and hugs me when I need it most, with the most gently whispered reminders of how beautiful I am. If only she thought of herself that way, and didn't hide behind black lace tangling her neck. • She's a country girl, plain as day, attached to her horses just as her heart is to her boyfriend. She's worried that both will leave her someday, and she hides her worries behind makeup. She doesn't see the beauty beneath that makeup, nor that she will never be alone as long as she stays true to herself. I wish she could. • She's something else, is all I can say. She's only the tiniest bit taller than me, but she rubs it in all the time. She makes offensive jokes as loud as she can and watches cartoons during class even after she's been yelled at. She makes a mess of everything, but a beautiful one. • He's very careful with me, speaking in a hushed voice like he'll break me. He whispers that he'll make a wish on the next star that passes by that I'll be okay soon. I appreciate every word he says to those stars. • She calls me her king, and smiles brighter than the suns we learn about in class. She's always got food, but refuses to share with anyone except me. She speaks like she's just returned from wonderland, and she's got so many stories of her adventures to tell. I hope I can stay witlong enough to hear them all. (Continued in comments)
i. when do we get to the part that hurts? last night was good, you were golden but c'mon, the hits are gonna start landing. eventually someone’s gonna start throwing them.
ii. you said you were confused but are you really confused? confusion doesn’t look like the way you look when you look at her but there’s fucking something there when you look at me too.
iii. so maybe this time I’m praying. maybe I’m swallowing my pride without letting it choke me. maybe I’ll get down on my knees just this once and ask for something good. you’re something good, even if I said you weren’t.
iv. but is it too late? it seemed like it wasn’t but nothing’s quite right that late at night. most things burn off when the sun rises. the fire fades out. nothing’s ever as pretty in the light
v. i want this to be pretty in the light.
that kind of love that’s “i was scared until i found you.” that kind of love that’s worth it to try romance again. the “fuck i’ll try cheesy if it just makes you smile” love, the roses and love notes and wine bottles. the twinkle light love, the “let’s go on this romantic date only to spend the whole thing being silly” love, the dancing badly to slow songs love, the “i don’t know how you make me laugh so much but seriously stop it i’m trying to drive” love. the “i trust you love,” calling late at night because a secret just welled up in my throat love, the first person i talk to so i can figure out this decision is you kind of love. the “i was hurt before and had given up but then i found you” love, the incredulous in-awe love, the wonder love, the are you actually real or am i dreaming you love. the “i didn’t believe in soulmates before you” love. that kinda love.
oh my beloved. the mountains and the streams, the oceans and the lakes, the sun and the moon, the stars and the sand all know you are my answered prayer. I have shouted from each of them searching for you for many lifetimes. now the world and all of its inhabitants will know you are my beloved
which road leads back to you? i’ll walk barefoot through thorns if only i could reach the beginning again. i’ll dig up the grave. i’ll shake the death off. i’ll decorate the abandoned house. i’ll give it cpr until it comes back gasping for air. i like when things aren’t perfect, anyway. we can cover up the bleeding parts with band-aids and kiss each others’ fault lines. this time will be better, i swear. i know you’re saying goodbye but i’m still trying to figure out ways to make this work. you’re saying our story’s over but i don’t believe you. i still think we’re going to find our way back to each other in the end. this isn’t over if i keep pretending. this isn’t over. this cannot be dead.
i met this girl in early april when everything beautiful started coming back to life and growing back. we spent our time together getting lost. i remember walking around with her for hours, laughing about everything, and not being able to find our way home. that spring, i felt some feelings inside of my chest begin to sprout for her and i knew she felt the same. we spent most of our time getting lost together that spring, but i have never felt more found in my entire life. i have never wanted to get lost so badly. we may have lost direction but we found each other. she is my north star and i will always look toward her to find my way back home.
– i found myself in her
i want you to talk to me not just about how you brought your little sister to the cinema at lunch or that you’ll be fined if you don’t pay your insurance today or how the weather where you live is different from the weather here.
i want you to trust me i want you to tell me how it felt when your grandpa died. how did you feel? how did you cope? i want you to tell me who the first girl to break your heart was. how did you get over her? are you actually completely over her?
i want you to tell me how you manage to look so incredibly happy every time i see you. what do you break down over? what makes your insides panic? i want you to tell me how you feel. i want to know your deepest and darkest corners that you hide so well.
i want to love all of you