“I want you to know that it is not always easy to love me. In fact, it’s probably never easy to love me. Not even for a second, I’m hard to love. Cause sometimes my heart fills with so much emptiness that it’s hard to breath. And sometimes my mind wanders out to the extreme and brings back emotions I thought would be gone. My point is I’m not easy to love, and if you can’t love me when I don’t talk to you for three days because I’m just so depressed that getting out of bed is hard then you are not fit to love me. If you can’t love me when I’m warm & happy at 2 pm then you can’t love me when I’m cold & harsh at 4 am. I need a lover who knows how to love me when I’m sad because the fact is I can’t do this on my own. Even if I say I can, I know deep down I can’t. And I don’t want to do it all alone which is what I’ve been doing for the past 18 years of life I’ve had. So please, if you’re gonna love me when I’m happy and sweet and spilling I love you’s out like it’s your name then you’re gonna have to love me when I’m on my bathroom floor crying, to tired to move, scared of what I’ll do. You’re gonna have to hold me. You’re gonna have to tell me it’s gonna be okay even if you don’t think it is. You’re gonna have to tell me that even in this mist of sadness that I have you. That I’m not alone even though I feel like I am 99% of the time. So please, please, please be careful with my heart. It’s been broken so many times and sure I’ve always put it back together but my kindness is growing weaker with every I love you that is met with a “goodbye, you weren’t enough.” So all I ask is think. Please think for a good 10 minutes of this, if I’m what you want. If you can handle this. If you choose to stay I promise I’ll love you the same each day. I promise I’ll love you when you are down about life and I promise I’ll love you when you are so joyful that it hurts to smile because you’ve been doing it all day. I promise I’ll love you with everything I have which isn’t much but I hope it’s enough. I hope I’m enough. So when you figure everything out let me know. I’ll be waiting”
"How do you know if you're in love??" I honestly asked my friend this same question just hours ago as I was clueless myself but thinking about it now I think it’s when for the first time after what seemed like a dreadful year (or life), you look forward to waking every morning knowing he (let’s use he as it’s me talking) will be there for you. I think it’s just plain seeing him and being happy that’s he’s around. It’s being happy just by hearing his voice. No matter how bad your day is, one message from him would make your entire day. It’s when he makes you want to write long letters and huge poems. It’s not all about “lust”- it’s more of the intimate relationship you have together. It’s when the simplest of things count. It’s when you start to mature and start to plan something with him for the future. It’s when he makes you want to start fixing your life. It’s when he’s always in your head 3 pm or 3 am. It’s when you can’t stop talking or thinking about him. It’s when you just really always miss him even if he’s right beside you. It’s the “I used to like green eyes but now blue eyes are my favorite”. It’s when all love and cheesy stuff just apply for him. It’s when you begin to see nothing but him and you value him like you value yourself. It’s not the “heart pounding, hands sweating” feeling but more of the “I feel home” feeling. It’s more of like talking to yourself- being yourself with someone without worries. It’s when you begin to really trust him with everything and that includes your happiness. It’s when he’s your happiness. It’s when subconsciously you change for the better. It’s when you once again start opening up after a long time. It’s when you are denying it at most cause you are afraid of how strong you feel and last I think while you’re reading this- there’s someone in your head right now and you’re just contemplating whether you’re in love with him or not but hey the fact that he or she is the person (out of billions of people) in your mind while you read this must say a lot. (via suspend)
Vid creds: @maggie_baybee
“I wonder what it’s like being 28 and waking up knowing you’re going to ask her to marry you tonight.
I wonder what it’s like being 30 and waking up to her gone for the week on a work trip and having the entire bed to yourself for the first time in ages so you starfish the fuck out of it, but somehow drift over to their side because you already miss them.
I wonder what it’s like being 42 and waking up for work content that the same pair of tired eyes as yesterday, and the day before that, and for the past 13 years, still look at you like you have the ability to reverse time and stop the sun from rising any higher, then you could both stay in bed. You blink, smile, and kiss her forehead softly as a reply, silently acknowledging your shared distaste for mornings, but not apologizing for wanting to wake up to those eyes again tomorrow.
I wonder what it’s like being 49 and waking up beside someone who still makes you nervous when they look at you that close up in the morning, especially now that you’re nearing 50 and fully aware of the wrinkles you have and the ones on the way.
I wonder what it’s like being 61 and waking up at 2pm because you were too sore and sickly to get out of bed that morning, but when you hear her key in the door after coming back from the store with some medicine, your favourite soup and a kiss, it still makes your heart beat fast enough to propel you off the bed and into her healing arms.
I wonder what it’s like being 87 and waking up next to an undisturbed pillow and an unwrinkled half of a quilt because she died 2 years ago, peacefully in her sleep. It was just her time to go.
I wonder what it’s like to live life in that much love. And when you do, I wonder what it’s like to lose it to something as trivial as your body passing through time. It’s heartbreaking that the body can’t last as long as the love between two people. But it’s also kind of beautiful that love transcends physical nature. All we can do is experience it while it’s here and while it lasts.”
A lasting love. (via thereisagreatperhaps.tumblr.com)
“and love is like seasons, the way it creeps in like spring blooming in your belly, how it feels warm and good some days and lukewarm others,
turns into hot rays of sunshine on your scarred skin, long drives with the windows down, pools of laughter and vacations with your best friends
and then in creeps the sadness like fall leaves, the way they crunch beneath your feet, the way hot chocolate covers the nostalgia in your belly
and before you even realize it’s getting bad again, winter settles in and you want to feel love on your skin but you keep getting frostbit
and then spring comes around and the birds are chirping but you don’t hear them until they are beating down your window
and you realize it can’t stay winter forever. your love is not stuck. suddenly, it’s summer."
seasons of love / (via scarredconversations)
Video creds: @nawal.26
“He’s back. Good God, he’s back. My hands are trembling because here we are, a year later, and everything has changed, but look – nothing has changed at all. There’s still fire in your eyes and your love is still alcohol, novocaine, nicotine, spurting through my veins, blurring me, numbing me, making me high. And you know it. You fucking know it. I’m elated, but I’m scared – the lines are smeared, the borders are blurred, and how do I know you’re real? Your casual manner could turn into my casualty. It’s so hard to put your heart back in the hands that crushed it, even when your heart is crying for it. I promised myself I wouldn’t do this. I promised myself I’d let up on my grip on you. I promised myself I wouldn’t keep asking questions you’ve already answered. I promised myself I wouldn’t let my demons pry us apart. I promised myself. I promised. But maybe it isn’t as sweet as it seems. Maybe there’s a snake hidden somewhere in the honeysuckle, ready to rear back and strike when my guard is down. All we can do is watch and wait, and enjoy the sweetness while we can.”
—he’s back // abby, day 109 via tumblr
“I feel sorry for you. I feel sorry for you because she loves you more than anything. She probably loved you more than most people ever did. She looked at you like you were the most amazing person ever. No matter what you did or what you said. She was always there for you, and supported you in all your dreams and your endeavors. She always believed in you. She was happy trying to make you happy. But I guess that just wasn’t enough for you. But one day it’ll hit you, maybe when you’re driving and her favorite song comes on, or when you come across a joke that she used to love telling, and it’ll hit you like a punch in the stomach. You. Lost. Her. And you’ll feel it sting, you’ll realize that you lost the one person that would have done anything for you, anything just to see you smile. But you gave that all up for lust, and a warm body. You might even try to reach out to her. But then you’ll see, you’ll see she is now happy without you. For a time she thought that she lost you, but that is terribly wrong. You lost her.”
—You lost her (via young-wildandfresh)
“Stars burst in front of her eyes as he took her heart into his hands and squeezed. He tightened his fist and whispered “hold on”, he sank his nails into soft flesh and murmured “wait for me”, he pressed down hard and crooned “we’ll be together soon”. So she remained quiet and faithful, her heart still captured in his iron grip, and waited for him to make up his mind, to finally say that she was the one he wanted. The only one. But days passed and weeks blurred into months and still there was no sign that he would change, no silver lining on the horizon that promised he’d do anything to be with her like he’d said so many times before. It wasn’t until she saw him gripping the shoulders of another girl and hissing his poisonous words into her ear that she understood that he had put her under his spell and that he would never truly be hers. And that maybe she deserved a lot more than being one option out of many and that being left with empty hands was better than always breaking them for someone who wouldn’t even lift a single finger for her. It was the day she was able to draw a deep and relieving breath that she knew her heart was finally free of him.”
—write about “being led on” n.j.
"Every single relationship will get “boring” after you’ve been together for ages. Love isn’t a feeling, it’s a commitment; to love every day, physically and emotionally. It’s hard afff, it’s not always laughs and smiles and fun. People tend to quit when it stops being cute. “Oh the spark is gone.” No, that’s not how it works. You want somebody to never give up on you and love you unconditionally? Do the same. This isn’t Hollywood, this isn’t romantic happy ever after bs. Love someone when you don’t want to, when they are being a fricken asshole. When they’re being hard to love. That’s thats the realist shit there is."
“I wish you knew what you mean to me and how your name plays a tune in my veins. I wish you knew that I would choose you even on the days you decide you don’t want to get out of bed and how I would lay with you without any question. I wish you knew I would still run my hands through your hair is a mess and you are drowning is sweat. I wish you knew that you’re so angry, you decide to punch the walls until your knuckles are bloody and bruised and you can’t even look me straight in the eyes. I wish you knew I would put my hand over your heart everyday your numb and the sadness doesn’t seem like the pain will flood out of your pores soon. I wish you knew I would kiss the palms of your hands to make you feel something, even if it meant the thorns tore through my lips. I wish you knew I would suck the poison from your arteries if it meant you would see the goodness life has to offer. I wish you knew that I would choose you every day negativity rolls off your tongue. I wish you knew that I’ll kiss you for every single thing you hate about yourself, even if it takes you forever to appreciate your flaws. I wish you knew that I would wake up every time you had a nightmare and hold you until the blue stains in your eyes turned into the stars. I wish you knew I would continuously choose you on the days where thunder is terrifying and your mind won’t stop shaking, and on the days where the universe is burning inside of you, brighter than ever. I wish you knew I would love you until my heart gave out and my hands were torn to wilted roses. I wish you knew my heart would shrivel up like leaves falling off the trees in the fall before it ever decided to give up on the one thing that keeps it alive before itself. I wish you saw everything in me that I see in you. I wish you knew I would love you through it all, every second. every ounce of you. my god, would I love.”
"Anonymous said: Its been about five years. I still love him. Where do I put this all down?
you start slowly. you start by making the choice. he’s not everything, right? you existed before him. you existed after him. your favorite color, your favorite movie, your favorite food, the smile you give strangers, the words you’ve written, they don’t belong to him. they’re yours and always will be. the flowers you got your friend that one time, the jewelry given to you by someone that was not him, the inside jokes you have with your best friend . all these pieces that came together in making you who you are and he doesn’t get to leave and decide that you are not you anymore. you’ve got a life to live. you’ve got gardens to plant and poetry to write and songs to sing and parks to walk through. you have to start doing things that make you happy again, you have to decide that he didn’t ruin love for you, that your heart’s as good as ever, and in fact it’s stronger because it survived a love that hurt and didn’t stop going. your heart didn’t stop going, do you hear me? that’s proof enough that he didn’t take everything with him. you’re still here. love will happen for you again. it already has in small ways. the way you haven’t given up on yourself, for instance. that’s love. that’s love. (Via rustyvoices)
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to ignore you when you want to talk to him.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to shove you when he’s angry.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to call you a dumbass or a bitch when you’re in an argument.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to threaten to leave the relationship every time you defend yourself.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to invalidate your feelings.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to not tell you who he’s with or where he’s going.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to keep making the same detrimental mistake over and over.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to use your insecurities against you.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to make you feel guilty for having desires and needs.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to tell you that you’re stupid when you cry.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to cheat on you because he’s “just a stupid guy.”
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to rely on you when he doesn’t do a thing for himself.
it’s not normal for your boyfriend to hurt you intentionally.
please stop normalizing toxic romantic relationships. it’s not healthy for your partner to upset you and behave recklessly as long as he apologizes later. apologies mean nothing after he has repeatedly disrespected you. kisses and hugs mean nothing after he has repeatedly disrespected you. public displays of affection mean nothing after he has repeatedly disrespected you. promises mean nothing after he has repeatedly disrespected you. it is not okay for him to hurt you physically or emotionally because he said he’ll change. he hasn’t. he won’t. get out now because THIS! IS! NOT! NORMAL! other couples do not go through this. other couples did NOT have to go through this to be in a happy, wholesome place.
he is manipulative and selfish and he is making you weak every time you agree to stay. even when you feel like “maybe this time, things will be okay,” they won’t – that’s what he wants you to think so you never slip from his grasp. you know as well as i do you’re 50 times overdue for “this is his last chance.” this is not normal. (via transcendentalbrilliance)
Are you a Thinker or Feeler?
1. When faced with a decision or choice, the thinker automatically focuses on facts, and applies logic to the situation.
2. He or she subconsciously notices tasks and work that needs to be done.
3. Thinkers find it easy to provide an objective analysis of any situation. They’re guided by rational reasoning.
4. They view conflict as a natural and normal part of relationships. It doesn’t always mean that something is wrong, or relationships are going to fall apart.
1. When faced with a decision or choice, feelers are guided by their gut reactions, and listen to their feelings and immediate response. They’re especially concerned about hurting other people, or making life more difficult or painful for them.
2. They intuitively pick up on people’s feelings and reactions – and they notice body language and non-verbal cues.
3. In reaching decisions, they want to hear others’ opinions, and they seek a consensus, or a fair compromise.
4. They are distressed by conflict, and dislike when people argue. Their ultimate goal is peace and harmony.
Because when I was 13 years old, I was sent home for my tank top straps being a little too thin, but a boy could wear a Cool Story babe, Go Make Me A Sandwich shirt and not be looked at twice.
Because when I was 16 and I told a guy “No” and the next day the word tease was painted on my locker.
Because when I was 18 and just wanted to be friends, I was a bitch.
Because I feel the need to say “I have a boyfriend” instead of “No” because guys respect other men more than they would ever respect me.
Because society screams “don’t get raped” instead of “don’t rape”
Because I am scared to walk alone at 10 PM
Because being beautiful is the most important thing I’ll ever do.
Because when I wear my favorite skirt “I’m asking for it”
Because the song Blurred Lines exists
Because no means no no matter how you fucking spin it
Because a girl was drugged and raped with a beer bottle, and the boys who did it are out on bail. Because I owe you nothing
Because pepper spray is a gift I receive yearly.
Because I am asked if I have a boyfriend more than I am asked about my mental health
Because my clothes say more about my consent then my mouth does.
Because the wage gap exists
Because “not all men are like that” is said way too often
Because I feel the need to say “I’m not a feminist but…” Because I’m writing this fucking piece
“So,” he smiled, “tell me yours.” “My what?” She replied. “You know, your love story, tell me about the guy who made you obsessed with the idea that you’re better off alone.” She scoffed, “It wasn’t a love story. Far from that. Barely a story actually. There was fighting, ignorance, stubbornness, cancellations, toxicity, emotional torture, and let’s not forget the constant competition of who cared less. We just didn’t work and I know that killed him just as much as it hurt me but lord knows he was a hell of a lot better at hiding that than I was. We were actually crazy about each other, I know, hard to believe right? I mean, there were times I hated his guts and I swore to myself I would never talk to him again and I meant it too, at the time.. But it never lasted long, eventually we made up, apologised, fucked, you know.. The usual “make up” stuff. But it wasn’t along until the next fight, and I think it just got exhausting, you know.. To keep going round in circles. The routine got boring and there’s only so much pain you can put yourself through before you say enough is enough. And one day, enough was enough and we accepted it, we wasn’t supposed to be. Maybe in another lifetime but certainly not this one.“
Excerpt of a book I’ll never write
“I know I shake when you don’t call and I feel like I can’t breathe when you forget to tell me you love me. I know that sometimes the words that come spilling out of my mouth at 3 AM make me sound crazy. I know that I love you a little too much. I know everything really hurts right now. I hope you know that I will always be here to keep the blood inside your veins. I hope you know that I will always be here to kiss you goodnight even if I fall asleep crying afterwards. I hope you know that you are the only reason I’ve still got stars hidden under my skin. I hope you know that you are the only thing that keeps the flowers in my lungs from dying. I know we’re fucked up. I know that sometimes I make you feel like you’re choking. I hope you know that I’m sorry. I hope you know that I see you in everything. I hope you know that it’s okay. I hope you know that you’re all I want. I hope you know that I think you’re wonderful. I hope you know that I think you’re every sunset and every thunderstorm and every cup of tea in the universe. I hope you know that you are my entire galaxy. I hope you know that I love you.”
everything I know, everything I hope that you know (via extrasad)
"1. Let’s love with the lights on, explore each others’ bodies like treasure maps, touch each other raw and honest and forgiving.
2. I never learned to love honestly, so honestly, I want this to be the best I’ve ever had. I want this to be all love, no lies, no questioning whether or not we should stay, staying only because we’re afraid we’ll never love again, settling.
3. I want to undress myself in front of you without cringing. Touch me tender; touch me so I can feel it in my whole body. Uncover parts of me I am too afraid to feel. Grow with me. I want to tell you about my day without worrying if you care. I want you to really see me.
4. Show me all of the things you hate about yourself and all of the things you love and everything in between. Show me your fears and your dreams, your triumphs and your pain. Tell me about your family, about the ones who broke you, about the toughest thing you’ve ever gone through. Leave nothing left uncovered. I want to know you - everything about you - and love you anyway.
5. I’ve never known a love that didn’t taste bitter, so when this tastes bitter, I will hide. Turn the light on. Show me there is no growth in darkness. Let’s face this head on. Let’s show each other it’s okay.
6. Let’s love with the lights on, find each others’ flaws, give each other hell, go home and be honest with each other, and love each other anyway. Let’s show each other beauty only grows in sunlight.”
—Let’s love with the lights on (via scarredconversations)