In loving memory of @conordaltonlive he is and will be missed - this picture is from one of the most amazing days we had together.. he loved taking my picture and he was so good at it, when he took my photo I could see the love, hope, peace, comfort and freedom in me. I'm blessed to have known him, my favourite memory of him was when he surprised me by joining me in Mexico City, I hadn't seen him for weeks and I was really missing him... next thing there he was hugging me and loving me again, back in my arms! We watched all of the godfather movies in a row and just hung out and ate heaps of candy and ice cream haha! He loved showing me amazing films, places, art and music all the time and I have endless adorable memories of him running over to me excited to show me something he designed or got inspired by. Rest in peace c-dawg, I'll always love ya!
It's surreal to look at a picture of myself smiling so hard; genuinely smiling because right now in this moment I can't imagine that I will ever be able to again, I can only trust people when they tell me I will soon. It's been days now and I still don't know how I'm gonna get through this, there's no resolution, getting through a day is turbulent to say the least. I'm so glad he told me to never give up, luckily I have his words to hang onto as well as the support of those around me... I'm getting ready to do my first shoot since he died - I have so many fears that I will fail my team today. I'm scared of breaking down in front of them, my anxiety is palpable. A big part of me is afraid for my pain to fade too because I know that will mean accepting the unbearable reality he's gone, my reality became my nightmare. Regardless I promise I'll do my best and I will give today all I got... I gotta! Tears are overrated. #liveinthemoment#dontthinkjustdo
I wish you were still here so I could tell you I love you. Life is too fragile; today I forget the beauty of it; today I sink low, my worst nightmares haunting me. I can't find relief, a prisoner of my mind. I face reminders of you everywhere, I miss you so much already and I would do anything to bring you back. You lit up my world; encouraged me to be happy, honest, compassionate, hard working, thoughtful and genuinely caring as you were. I promise that I will try my best, to be the person your eyes saw. I don't know how I'm going to get through loosing you but somehow I have to; after all, one of your goals was for me to be happy.
I promise to be charitable as you were, to never stop learning, try as hard as I can so I make something of myself to honor your memory. I promise to remember you with love until my moment comes to pass away too and I join you.
I'm going to get a tattoo on the day of your funeral; yes it's for you! I know you always loved tattoos, you left your mark on my heart and soul and I figure it should be etched on my skin as well; a reminder to hold strong for you; to cherish our memories.
Im sorry I'm unable to attend your funeral, the guilt is overwhelming and I wish I could go but it will break me, I can't make it happen for a few reasons. I'm so fucking sorry I can't fly to the other side of the world to see your life has left you, to bury you.
I'm grateful I got to the chance to know you, you tried so hard, you helped so many people, you yourself got through so much, you gave me endless hope and inspiration.
Thankyou for coming into my world and giving me the best days of my life. It will never be the same again now you are gone, I miss you, I will honor you, love you forever and always @conordaltonlive , Anth.