I'm filming a super secret pilot I'm excited about tonight.
I couldn't find the dress I was going to wear because my closet is a disaster due to the fact I watched Glow last night instead of cleaning it, and my backup dress broke as soon as I put it on (ZIPPER!!) so then I sat on my closet floor crying for awhile, which made me late.
I am in the Lyft now but I deserved this wine, dammit.
I had the most incredible night last night and I'm still riding a high from it. I got to visit Cloak & Dagger (a member's only goth club) for the first time & it reminded me so much of my beloved Mercury in Seattle. Sometimes nothing feels as good as dancing all the demons out with amazing humans!
Lately it's been really hard for me to love myself, which is why my uploading has slowed down. I suffer from BDD - body dysmorphic disorder - and it comes and goes. What that means is that I have never once felt like I belong in my own body. When it's especially bad I don't recognize myself in the mirror or in photos. It's one of the reasons I get so many tattoos - it makes me feel less "naked" (see: vulnerable) but also helps distinguish this body I feel like an imposter in as something I have control and artistic ownership over. Recently, I've gained 30lbs. It's caused my BDD to spiral pretty badly. I wear layers upon layers of long fabrics to hide myself, feel extreme guilt whenever I eat ANYTHING, and cry if I look at my naked body in the mirror. It feels so anxious and uncomfortable at all times. It's a really exhausting mental illness to deal with, but I'm sick of being quiet about it. Radical self love should be preached AND practiced, and I won't let BDD own me because it's just something about me I'm going to have to accept and deal with, like the scar on my cheek or the fact I'm incapable of blowing my nose (seriously ). If you suffer from BDD as well, I want to let you know that you're not alone & my DMs and comments are always open for you to discuss your struggles. I'm going to be making a more in depth video for my YouTube about this, but until then, stay strong and I love you, my unicorns
I am honored to have been invited to the Wonder Woman premiere at the Pantages tonight. I was asked to go in my WW cosplay but alas I do not have the fortitude to sit through an entire movie in leather and scale mail. I CAN'T WAIT TO FINALLY SEE A FEMALE BASED COMIC FILM!!!!!! I feel like I've been waiting for this all of my life. #wonderwoman#cosplay
Happy Mother's Day to me! Meet Pocky. We have been talking about getting Mochi a sister for awhile now, but wanted to rescue and not contribute to a breeder. I wanted to start with a puppy just so Mochi could teach her good habits (she's such a well behaved dog), but knew finding one from a rescue would be hard, so I was still open to the idea of a younger adult. Strangely, I discovered a wonderful woman a couple of hours north of LA who rescues poms, and she just so happened to have a litter of babies she was bottle feeding. They had been the product of breeders, but when the mama Pom had given birth, 2/4 puppies were stillborn. The cruel and selfish breeders left the remaining two newborns with the vet, claiming the mother dog was "acting weird" (of course she was, she just lost two babies!!). Enter the rescue angel, who hand reared and bottle fed this angel and her sister around the clock for the last 9 weeks. And now she's ours.
Yesterday I auditioned for a network tv show! It's been a really long time since I did a "real" audition but the casting director reached out to ME so I couldn't say no, even though I was super nervous! I realized halfway through my monologue that I was shaking like a leaf because of all of the adrenaline, but I think I still did pretty good! I miss acting a lot - I used to do so much improv and theater and I barely do anything at all anymore. But that audition definitely gave me the bug again, uh oh. Guess it's time to start hitting up the open stand up mics around town!